Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize