they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
