You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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