I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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