I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
