you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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