I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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