Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
