I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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