I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
