i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
