Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
