honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
