i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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