I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
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