You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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