What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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