He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
