I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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