There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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