alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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