I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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