i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I intend to get homeless drunk
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
