I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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