Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
