Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
