it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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