let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
