dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
