you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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