I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Randomize
