btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
