I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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