she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
