i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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