Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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