I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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