the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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