Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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