I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
