Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
