drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
