Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
