Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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