my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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