god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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