I hate your face
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
