so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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