i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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