I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
