3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Pants 0. Shit 1.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
