WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
