the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
