You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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