If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
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