I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
