help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
