i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
