I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Be still, my beating vagina.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
