if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
