I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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