Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
