i was born a porn star she said
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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