Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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