no, he came in my armpit
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
