I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
