he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I woke up under a house in Key West
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
